Table of Contents
10 unusual ideas for lasting change in coming year
Practice physical compassion for yourself
Give yourself a “Do Nothing Day”
Ask “What do I need right now?”
10 unusual ideas for lasting change in coming year
As we move into the new year, below are 10 unusual ideas for creating lasting change for yourself, beginning with redefining success. We all tend to take stock at the end of the year and look forward to what we might do differently in the coming year.
You could call this routine maintenance. Just like a car needs preventative service like oil and air filter changes, you also need to keep yourself in good running condition. Sometimes the tires need replacing, so the old, worn-down treads don’t cause you to hydroplane. Maybe we all need to add some STP (Scientifically Treated Petroleum) protection to reduce friction, enhance durability, and run more smoothly for lasting change.
True change comes from internal attitude shifts and adapting to your external constraints. No doubt you’re coping with some challenges, whether personal or professional, or both. Perhaps you are looking at a career change or even retirement in the coming year. Maybe you are interested in a promotion where you are now, or in finding a new purpose, or in finally figuring out how to build a lifestyle that comes closer to achieving that elusive work-life balance. No matter what is challenging you now, it’s important to be gentle with yourself. For the record, I’m not very good at being gentle with myself, always holding myself to an impossibly high-performance standard. I’ve also written before about I’m working on being fabulously adequate.
Redefine success
You are the only one who can look back on your life and say, “I have lived my life well.” As the old joke goes, “No one lies on their death bed saying, “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.”
For some people, success is having a job you can walk away from at the end of the day to do what’s really important to them (being on a hockey team, writing a novel, volunteering at a food bank). If you did everything you could to achieve a positive outcome and it failed, you can still point to what you learned and perhaps apply those learnings to a future project. For a lasting change in attitude, celebrate the successes, whether large or small, that matter to you.
Be fabulously adequate
Related to redefining success is deciding when “enough is enough.” Playfully imagine whatever you did is perfectly fine (adequate) and still better than it had to be (fabulous). You do not have to be a perfectionist, with a few exceptions. Brain surgeons must operate as close to perfectly as possible, but most of us do not have to reach that level of performance.
Imperfection has its gifts, too. Think about the Japanese art of Kintsugi, the art of renewal through “golden joinery” repair, which celebrates the philosophy of wabi-sabi, “embracing imperfection.” Some of those repaired vessels are more than adequate, fabulous, and strikingly beautiful. Stop thinking about flaws or mistakes as failure. For lasting change in the coming year, loosen up a little bit by noticing how imperfection can lead to innovation and creative solutions.
Escape resentment
A useful way to escape resentment is to remind yourself that most people are doing the best they can, whether it’s maintaining positive relationships or completing work tasks. Being gentle in your judgment of others can help you accomplish more in the long run. Instead of fuming about someone who let you down by not getting a report in on time, think about whether it would be helpful to check on progress earlier, or whether there is someone else you might delegate the task to if you see it going off track. You don’t have to like what happened if your expectations were not met, but letting go of resentment frees your energy to move on.
Slow down the morning
Slowing down the early-morning rush to get out the door can be a start toward slowing down your racing thoughts. Try beginning your day with a simple, slow routine that centers you—whether it’s journaling, a short walk, a self-care ritual like gentle stretches, or even mindfully drinking your morning beverage without any other distractions.
Notice whatever you are grateful for in the moment. Even two minutes of downtime off screens without news, social media, email, or anything else helps you ease into the day. Hang onto the calm as you move into the day, allowing yourself to concentrate more on effectiveness than productivity. You may be pleasantly surprised at how this practice can help you bring your best self forward and lead to lasting change for the better.
Practice physical compassion for yourself
There are numerous ways to give yourself some compassion through touch. You can hug yourself. You can place both hands over your heart and breathe. You can place one hand over your heart and the other on your belly and breathe. You can hold your face in both hands for a moment. You can rub your own arms. Any form of soothing touch calms down the sympathetic nervous system (the threat-detection system) and activates the parasympathetic system (for rest and recovery). It may seem silly, but I know from personal experience that a soothing touch can work, especially when there is no one else available to hug me! For another way to be compassionate with yourself, take a look at my earlier post on 7 action steps for no resolutions and no regrets.
Try the three chairs exercise
If the inner critic is getting the upper hand, try another physical approach to lessening the vitriol. Originating in psychotherapy, this technique is often used in leadership training or to help team members listen more deeply to one another. It’s a way to allow the criticized, the criticizer, and the compassionate observer to converse.
Simply set up three empty chairs in a small semi-circle. Now, sit yourself down in the first one, notice what you are feeling. Ask, “What do I want to change?” Next, move yourself to the second chair, and ask, “What is resisting change?” Notice any opposing viewpoints, your own or coming from someone else. Lastly, sit in the third chair and neutrally observe the different views from the perspective of a healthy adult. This exercise can increase compassion for yourself and others, and you often find a way forward when stuck.
Give yourself a “Do Nothing Day”
This is also incredibly hard for me to practice. I find even contemplating a day without plans makes me nervous. I’m going to endeavor to give myself more “do nothing days” to make some lasting change for myself over the coming year. However, giving yourself explicit permission to do nothing, allowing for rest without guilt, can recharge your batteries considerably. Let the day unfold on its own without plans or to-dos.
If you feel compelled to schedule something, focus on play: going to the theater, a short walk in nature, or a short visit with a friend at the beginning or the end of the day, keeping the bulk of the day unscheduled. Recharging your batteries instead of running them down to complete depletion can avert burnout.
Ask “What do I need right now?”
Instead of general self-care, get specific: “Do I need a bath, a song, a short walk, or a conversation with a professional counselor (therapist, coach, consultant)? Talking to a trusted advisor can be more helpful than reciting affirmations you may not believe. As far as that goes, try reframing any affirmations to “I am learning how to….” Or say, “I am not good at this…yet.” These reframes take the performance pressure off. It’s a great way to make lasting change over the coming year, since learning new behaviors may take a while.
Live your values
You may need to define your values before you can enact this one. Values can include compassion, integrity, collaboration, accountability, respect, learning, or adaptability, to name just a few. You do not need a long list, just some values that truly ring true for you. Is compassion one of your highest values? Then you will want to treat both others and yourself with kindness and consideration, no matter the circumstances in the year ahead. Is integrity a high value for you? Then you will want to act transparently, admit errors, keep your commitments and promises, and act ethically even when it is difficult.
Over time, naming your values may help you clarify your larger purpose, whether that is healing others, fighting injustice, creating wealth, interpreting history, or doing scientific research. Your values and your purpose are unique to you. Purpose is a life-long journey and may change over time.
Practice pessimistic optimism
I have at times described myself as a pessimistic optimist. It’s an attitude of preparing for the worst but maintaining hope in a positive outcome. This idea is mirrored in these few the lines from one of my favorite Wendell Berry poems, “Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front”:
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
Though you have considered all the facts.
What great advice for our perilous times: prepare realistically for potential problems and maintain joy in the face of risk. This can help you stay grounded, find opportunities in crisis, and perhaps be pleasantly surprised at unexpected outcomes.
Conclusion
You may not want to try all of these ideas out, but practicing any one of them consistently could create lasting change in your life. See how implementing even one of them makes you feel. Small changes can add up to big shifts in attitude and practices. Returning to our car metaphor, if you maintain your mode of transportation adequately, it can serve you beautifully for many years to come. Check in with yourself from time to time to see if there are any other tweaks you need to make your life run more smoothly. Be open to experimenting for lasting change.
If you still need help implementing lasting change into your life, contact Hillary for a twenty-minute free session.
Tags: attitude, be prepared, change, Getting Organized, goal setting, goals, habits, happiness at work, life purpose, optimism, success
Your columns are a joy to read. I found this one particularly helpful with its wise advice and innovative exercises. We all need help to find peace in these trying days.
Thank you so much, Jenny!
Thanks, Hillary, for an injection of common sense and caring. These aren’t easy times, and I don’t know how you manage to do it, but as always, you provide not only hope but actionable ideas and practical steps.
Thank you, Kate, for continuing to encourage me in my writing! I hope your writing is going well, too.
I vote for the Do Nothing Day, especially important after the holiday season.
It’s so interesting how often we feel like we are in a whirlwind during the end of year holidays and really need to slow down at the beginning of the new year, rather than speed up. Hope you can give yourself a Do Nothing Day.
“Maintain joy in the face of risk.” Now that’s good advice for our times! Thanks so much, Hillary, and happy new year.
Thank you, Polly. Maintaining joy in the face of risk is something I am trying to keep top of my mind for myself!
Happy New Year to you and all of yours, too.